MOVIE REVIEW: KILLERS

Killers, Starring Katherine O'hara (Home Alone, Best In Show) and Tom Sellick.

The basic premise of the film is marketing, and brilliantly done.  The previews show Ashtun Kutcher (Mrs. Demi Moore) with an outstanding body, and Katherine Hiegel wielding a gun shouting "Do you know how big this thing is?"  For that reason I paid $5.99 to view the movie on-demand.

I wasn't disappoitned, both of those scenes were included, but it wasn't anything I couldn't have googled.  As far as the movie... the first fifteen minutes were so terrible and awkward that it was uncomfortable to watch.  I was debating, durring those first few scenes, actually taking Mr. Kutcher and Ms. Hiegel to smal claims court demanding the return of my $5.99.

Of course, that was unneccesary.  What those first few moments did do, however, was forever cement the legacy of these faux actors to be one time wonders, the fortunate particpants in sucessful television series who will never, ever be able to recreate that sucess.  I feel the worst for Heigel, who was so brilliant in Knocked Up, and who left Grey's Anatomy to pursue film roles, fancieny herself the Geroge Clooney of Chicago Grace, but proving to us all in Killers that she will never, ever, EVER, be an actress.  (At least Kutcher got to show of his smoking hot body, and has never pretended that his genius lies in acting for the screen)

But Killers is not without its worth.  I immediately withdrew my fancies of suing its stars when I laid eyes upon Sellick and Ohara, seasoned veterans in the acting game, who provide much needed relief in this abysmal film.  Each line Sellik speaks flows off his perfectly manicured mustache so smoothly that you wish he had more to say.  As O'hara pours a glass of wine into her oversized glass, the continues to pour, and pour, and pour, you understand why she must drink so heavily, perhaps she is watching the same movie we are. 

Regardless. Sellik and O'hara are such pros. and have such chemistry together, that they outshine Ashtun on Katherine, perhaps almost joking with them.  I mean, the movie is callled Killers , and Sellik and O'hara quite literally kill Ashtun and Katherine.  As Ashtun and Katherine flip and flop to attempt chemistry, we wish we were watching a movie starring Sellik and O'hara.

Ashtun and Hiegel are not without merrit.  Kutcher's body looks GREAT and Hiegel gets off a one liner or two.  But this movie is a giant step back for the both of them.  Maybe the payday was good, but as artists, as celebreties, they have significantly damaged themselves.  In fact, after realized that the movie is not about Tom Sellik and Catherine O'hara, the most exciting things is a catchy new single but he immensely talented Macy Gray that plays over the closing credits.