Baby Come Back

I am very succeptable to advertisements.  

Alex Trebek makes me want to be 55-80 years old so that I may purchase his life insurance. (in the form of a question) 

I want a hover-round, so that I can scooter myself to the edge of the Grand Canyon. 

I even logged onto Progressive.com so that Flo could give me my automobile insurance rates as compared to their competitors.  Unfortunately, I learned that in order to purchase auto insurance you need to have a drivers license, or at the very least, a car.

Because I am a fan of her music,  I want all of the sickly imprisoned pets that Sarah McLachlan advocates to come live with me.  Even though I am uninjured, I do want to bring someone to justice.  I am intrigued about pursuing careers in the following tracks: truck driving, culinary, and AC/heating repair.  Perhaps I should attend a vocational institute. Mostly, I am just sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Peggy, who thought she was dying of pancreatic cancer, and then was cured at the cancer institute of Wonderland, makes me wish I had cancer, so I can be cured too.  I would like to be (again) skinny and sexy and tan so I could wear the ridiculous clothes the models wear in the cologne advertisements, and oh, I would like to smell like them too, at least smell like them for longer than the two seconds it takes for a fragrance to wear off that one has smeared over their body from the torn flap of a magazine.  Not that I have ever done that.

I actually bought the Axe scrubby, harsh on one side and soft on the other, like I even shower.  I sympathize with the men that have to shave on TV. 

I want to buy Martha Stewart's line of pet supplies for my cats.  I mean, hell, I can't get the Meow Mix song out of my head.  I mean, hell, part of me from my youth wants to be Zestfully clean.  Part of me from my youth is glad that I used Dial and wished everyone had.

I know what those animated bears are talking about when the toilet paper they keep on a twig gets stuck on their fur.  I agree with Jamie Lee Curtis, Activia is delicous although it didnt regulate my "system", it gave me diarea.  I think that 80 calorie yogurt Heidi Kluum eats seems delcious.

I know I am not fat, but I do not eat healthily.  Vallerie Bertanelli looks GREAT and I think getting diet food mailed to you on a schedule sounds fun.  I wish I had a before and after picture.  I kinda want to call "Jenny" and see if she has a program for pre-middle-aged skinny guys with a beer belly.  Do they have a program for that?

I want to marry someone from Match.com, simulatenously I am curious about what E-Harmony's 29 itemed personality profile would say about me. 

I want a Bo-Flex.  (I want a Suzanne Sommes Thigh Master).  I want to do the ulmtimate push up, the ultimate sit up.  I want to do video pilates. 

I want every cell phone I have ever seen advertised.

I want to get a 4 star hotel room for $89 in Chicago at Travelocity.com,  even though I can get a 4 star hotel for $39 via my step brothers discount.

I want to negotiate airfare on priceline.  I want to buy a washer and dryer from Sears, a Kenmore preferably. 

I wish I had some old scrap gold I could sell to Good Ol' Tom, or maybe just to mail away. 

I want to disinfect everything with Clorox wipes. 

I can't wait to see what DVD will be opened next in the Disney vault.  I can't wait to see which DVD will be mailed next on my third Netflix free trial.  I miss the days when I could get 16 CD's or casettes for a penny. 

I am certain that I have Restless Leg Syndrome, Over active bladder (gotta go gotta go gotta go!)  I don't want to quit smoking but Nicorette sounds enticing. 

I am in awe of all the uses for Ziploc bags. 

Proactiv makes me wish I had acne as a teen.  I feel like I missed out,

Excedrin reliveves headaches fatster if your windows are too clean. 

Maybeline will give me falseless mascara!!!!  Have I gone crazy?

The answer is yes.  I may have sounded a bit tongue in cheek but I assure you, my tongue is currently placed firmly and directly in the center of my mouth.  I am not kidding, not joking, I really want these things,
I am succeptable to advertising.  In fact, to the point of a fault.  I only hope, I only wish, I only pray, that one day, and one day not too for in the future, that there will be a Swiffer device to cure me of this ailment.

Also of the ailment or the correct yet excessive use of commas.